Writing a Pleasure Manifesto
imagining how pleasure can heal us on multiple levels
“I believe that deep in the heart of each of us there is this imagining, imaginal capacity that we have” - John O’Donohue
During my first workshop with Kai Cheng Thom, she introduced me to the idea of a pleasure manifesto, a way to declare what we believe about our own pleasure and the many facets of pleasure in general.
Some of her own statements included: I hold that pleasure is not sinful; I devote myself to pleasure and self-pleasure; I celebrate the body; erotic labor is real, important work.
I thought back to that manifesto when I read the above quote by John O’Donohue. How can we imagine a bigger world for our pleasure? How can we expand its definition and scope?
What would it be like to craft your own pleasure manifesto and consider these questions:
How does pleasure heal my relationship with self?
How does pleasure influence how I relate to / interact with others?
How does pleasure heal the world?
A pleasure manifesto can be a way to dissolve harmful messages we grew up on (I know that pleasure exists outside of sex); it can be a way to affirm what you believe deep down (I recognize that pleasure can be found in any moment, big or small); it can be a way to help you move in the direction of a more felt belief (I strive to remember that pleasure is something I wholeheartedly deserve); it can be relational (I see how my pleasure helps me connect more genuinely with others); it can be universal (I’m devoted to helping others believe that they deserve pleasure).
I plan on revamping my personal pleasure manifesto and also writing one for my work as a sex educator. Will you write one alongside me? We’ll save time to reflect/journal on this in our next book club meeting, inspired by Feel It All and its focus on sexual health.
LISTENING TO:
READING:
Pleasure and Spaciousness: Poet Naomi Shihab Nye’s Advice on Writing, Discipline, and the Two Driving Forces of Creativity
WORDS I’M HOLDING CLOSE:
We never know at the beginning. We write to find out.
Melissa Febos said something along these lines in a writing workshop I took with her recently. It made me think of how easily I can get stuck when presented with several options or directions. I get overwhelmed with possibility. I’ve been reminding myself to just lean in, move in a direction, take a step forward, try it this way and see. What do I have to lose? It will eventually lead me to where I need to be, even if I make some mistakes along the way or change course. As my friend later said, oh wells are better than what ifs?
FREE WRITE:
We sprawled our bodies across his bed, tired from a long weekend. We both looked forward as we were talking, through the window that framed his broad, sweeping field. We both knew that the sun would only peek through the leaves this way—shine through the window this way—for so long. When I looked over, the light was waving across his face, making seaweed-like shadows. It was quiet, the only kind of quiet that comes with that time of day. 5:30pm. When the sun starts to make its descent and turn things over to night.
I imagined people in their homes nearby, tinkering in the kitchen, getting dinner ready. I imagined a life lived more like this. In pause. Slowed down. Stopping to take in the way light changes the contours of leaves. Letting this, right here, be enough to satiate my endless thirst for connection. To know that connection comes the moment we stop.
I started the day feeling lonely, but in the company of a good friend, surrounded by the beauty of his home and land, that loneliness lifted and I was left with something that felt more substantial. I felt my worries around which direction to go begin to soften, like a muscle unclenching. I felt the kind of security that emerges in response to those precious, transient moments when we let life uproot us from past and present to be right here, exactly where we are.
Depth of Desire is happening on Tuesday September 17th at 7pm EST. We’ll be covering desire myths, how desire actually functions, desire types, and ways to get in touch with your authentic desire. We’ll also build a menu of contexts that help stoke your desire and allow it to feel safe and seen. This will be a really great way to feel more confident in your sexuality and get to know the nuances of your pleasure more intimately.
The workshop is only $33. It will be recorded in case you can’t make it live. I’ve been doing so much learning and research and exploration around this topic and I can’t wait to share it with you ♡︎
Your support means so much to me and inspires me to keep writing and learning. Thank you for being a part of this community.