what even is nervous system regulation?

let's set the groundwork

I think a lot about the relationship between nervous system regulation and pleasure, and I plan on continuing to meander through that relationship with you, here. But, first, I think it’s important to talk about what nervous system regulation actually is. What does it mean, objectively? and what does it feel like in your own body? What do they define it as and what do you define it as? I can offer some insight for the former questions, and as for the latter, that is a beautiful and continual exploration for you to pursue.

I really like this definition of nervous system regulation from Jen Mann:

Building our resilience so we can feel safe, connected, and grounded; staying in our window of tolerance more often; having the capacity to be open and socially engaged.

I can tell you that feeling resilient is a sign, for me, that my nervous system is more regulated. Resiliency is being able to bounce back more quickly into our window of tolerance. Our window of tolerance is that place where we are able to learn effectively, play, and relate well to ourselves and others. This makes sense, because our parasympathetic state is not just one of rest and digest, but also healing and learning. We are more receptive when we are in that relaxed state (relaxed doesn’t mean tired, in this case. It means open, grounded, and stable).

When we’re reactive, we are not open to learning and growing in that moment because there is a defense up (understandably). But if we can continue to cultivate a sense of safety in our body - through nervous system regulation - we can set and maintain boundaries that are distinct but not rigid; that allow us to stand our ground but also remain open to learning, growing, and understanding the other side. There is a time and place for reactivity, but often, our bodies are over-reacting to internal and external activity because of trauma, accumulated stress, untreated parts, and habitual patterns that surfaced in response to past stressful events.

I think it’s important to honor this natural response from the body. Shaming or shunning the reactivity doesn’t help. What does help is to recognize that our bodies and minds have been doing this to protect us. As we continue to practice nervous system regulation, we begin to see where we no longer need these patterns and reactions. We can start to fill in the old groove of reactivity and dig a new groove of awareness. We create space to notice when and where reactivity and alertness are necessary, and when and where we can ask that internal protector to quiet down because we are actually safe in the moment.

When we’ve been through a major stressful event or have left a lot of smaller stressors untreated, we create a new normal. This is called allostasis - the process by which the body responds to stressors in order to regain homeostasis. This is that protection mechanism we build in response to stressors. And while that protection (which can look like dissociation, rumination, fear, and more) is often necessary at first, it can persist to a point where it starts to step in too often; where we can no longer differentiate; where we don’t even realize that we’re in desperate need of rest or regulation; where we are in a state of chronic stress.

This is why I tell people in my restorative yoga trainings that they might be more tired when they first start committing to the practice of rest. This is because we’re interrupting our body’s conditioned response. When I quit coffee, I was more tired (and annoyed and irritable) at first, but once my body adjusted and cleared itself, I felt more rested, energized, and stable than I had in a long time. We’re actively creating (or returning, you could say) to a truer state of homeostasis. We’re stopping to challenge the patterns we’ve settled into and create new patterns that feel more soothing and supportive. We’re extending the kind of care to ourselves that creates long-lasting benefits.

Nervous system regulation is a tender act of building our resilience and being able to more quickly slip into our window of tolerance. What this can do for our life is truly revolutionary. It can help us feel self-sufficient and self-aware. It can help us feel more connected and open to the life within us and around us. It can re-inspire our sense of play. It can help us stop sweating the small stuff and see the bigger picture again. It can help us enjoy and savor what is right in front of us, which feels like a pretty great hack for enhancing our pleasure.

Thank you for being here. I love having this space to really get into things with you. Did you know I have a paid subscriber option? If you become a paid subscriber, you’ll get this content plus practices that will help you apply all of this work. I’ll share simple yet effective practices you can do anytime, anywhere to regulate your nervous system and come back into your window of tolerance. Hit the subscribe button below to get a paid subscription for $5/month. And please share this post with someone you care about who could use some TLC (that button is also below). <3