The Personal Issue
Relationship reflections, life lately, new writing, desire workshop details
Details for Depth of Desire are here! Click here to read more about it and register for the workshop on September 17th ‗ ❍
RECENT REFLECTIONS
“What makes you feel secure in our relationship?” Part of me can’t believe that I’m asking my partner this question for the first time in a VERY long time, maybe ever? We’ve asked each other this question in so many ways but not explicitly. It reminds me that we’re all in process; we all need certain reminders; we’re all silently carrying around questions and concerns; we all have room to grow and learn no matter how long we’ve been in relationship. The question came up because we were chatting about non-monogamy and I wanted to know what would help us feel more secure if we moved in that direction.
Our answers were different. The difference didn’t shock me, just reminded me that how we want to be loved can change based on how we’ve changed, how we’ve grown, what we get from other relationships, and so many other things. It feels good to air out our answers, because now we can refocus our attention on loving each other in ways that may not be our first inclination; meet each other again as the people we are today.
Some of the biggest shifts in my relationships have come from questions like these, whether I’m asking them or being asked. They are questions I assume I know the answers to, based on my own answers or past relationships or because I share space with the person and witness them on a daily basis. But we can be completely in tune with someone’s rhythms and not truly know how they feel, or what they want, until we ask.
Maybe it’s time to turn towards someone you love (a partner, a friend, a family member) and ask. Maybe it sounds like one of these:
How can I be there for you this week?
What kind of support do you need right now?
How do you like to be loved?
What makes you feel seen/secure in our relationship?
...or something else.
CURRENTLY READING
📖 Old Enough by Haley Jakobson
📖 Feel It All by Casey Tanner — our book club pick for this month! Click here to find out more about our upcoming meeting on Sept 11th and register to join.
LIFE (LATELY)
NEW WRITING
A piece I wrote and submitted to a magazine. The theme was chores:
Growing up I had a chore wheel that hung on the fridge. It was hand-drawn on paper with an arrow pinned in the middle. My dad made it, of course, because he liked to turn everything into a game. On Sundays, I’d spin the wheel and find out my chore fate, whether it was vacuuming, folding the laundry, or my personal favorite, mowing the lawn.
I loved mowing the lawn because it was less of a chore, and more of a chance to hang out with my dad. Fortunately, we had five acres of land so I’d get plenty of one-on-one time with him.
He had a black and orange SCAG riding mower with two handles. He’d pick up my little body, clamp me under his forearm, and hoist both of us up onto the seat, situating me on his lap. He’d gear me up with protective eyewear and sound-muffling headphones. She’s styyyylin, he’d almost sing, before kickstarting the machine. The sudden rumble made my whole body shake, its vibration thrumming deep in my chest. Before we took off, I’d watch him wrap his broad hands over the padded handlebars and then copy him by setting my own tiny hands inside of his. It was hard to talk over the noise so I learned to observe and follow his moves.
He let me steer it sometimes: push the right handle to go left, the left handle to go right, both to go forward, pull back to reverse. I’d get it wrong a lot of the time but he’d course correct like a driver's ed teacher. Sometimes he’d push hard on one handle and spin us in circles until I laughed uncontrollably.
We’d take breaks, stopping the mower smack dab in the middle of our sweeping field under the hot sun. Hook us up kiddo, he’d say, and that was my cue to grab his stainless steel water bottle from the cup holder. I had to use both hands to pick it up and they’d instantly turn cold from all the ice my dad packed in there. I’d take a sip of water, tart with extra lemon, and then place it in front of my dad’s face so he could take a gulp. He’d smack his lips and let out an exaggerated ahhhh, always fishing for a giggle.
Nowadays, chores seem more tedious, but back then, they were a way to turn everyday living into lasting memories.
Thank you for being here and receiving these thoughts and musings. If you want to dive deeper into your sexuality, redefine what sexual health means to you, and feel more deeply connected to the rhythms of your desire, consider registering for book club or joining my upcoming workshop on desire ‗ ❍
As seen in Seven Days • Tiny Modern Love Story • Online Yoga Studio • More Sex Ed on Instagram
I just wanted to say that the piece about chores was captivating and beautiful, and very sweet. Keep it up!