Lately I’ve been thinking about rediscovering the simplicity in self-care; wondering what my pleasure looks and feels like when I undress it from the more mentality that capitalism force feeds us.
We’re asked to take on and take in so much, that we’ve forgotten how simple and accessible pleasure can be. Underneath the multi-step skincare routine and expensive treatments, there’s a world of pleasure that exists for free. Let’s be clear, I dabble in those things myself. I love a luxurious face oil and a hot new top. For me, it’s not necessarily about eliminating those things completely (unless it’s draining my bank account and/or soul) but about making sure I’m staying connected to that which nourishes me long-term. How do I stay connected to abundance, which is not necessarily about gaining more but about appreciating what I already have and what’s in front of me?
I’ve found that I can gauge where I’m at internally based on my relationship with material things. If my inner sense of content is lofty, I don’t put as much pressure on external sources to satiate me. I feel less attachment to them, even if I still choose to engage with them. In my body, it feels like a calmer, more open state of being. I felt this exact way when I went off caffeine and when I didn’t have a phone for a week (which is what led me to adopting a flip phone).
On the other hand, if my inner sense of content is lacking, I pine for external things. I hope that buying new clothes or paying for some trendy thing will be the ticket to my renewed sense of content. When I’m caught up in this capitalistic loop, it feels like I’m waiting to live: I’ll feel confident once I have that outfit; I’ll feel healthy once I start using that green powder. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for the green powder and the sexy outfit. And I’m not trying to say that those things can’t have a positive influence. What I’m saying is I, personally, don’t want to place all my bets on those external or material things. I’d rather have them be a bonus on top of the internal satisfaction, not a replacement for it.
I want to wear that outfit because it feels like me, not because it adheres to what some ad told me is stylish. I want the green powder to be mixed in with the internal work I continue to commit to every day. I want to wear and consume whatever it is because I want it (period) and not because I want it to make me something I am not. I want the external indulgences to be a cherry on top of the ways I regulate myself and counter the stresses of every day life.
I don’t want material things to be a means of escape; a bandaid over the deeper wounds that need healing. I want to do the harder work of tenderly addressing those wounds through nature walks, dancing, breathwork, therapy, calling on my friends and family, being honest, setting boundaries, and remembering that my body is a good body that knows how to take care of me.
These continual hits of dopamine that we get from external sources (social media is a biggie) can distract us from the roots of self-care: nervous system regulation. All of the purest forms of pleasure I engage in soothe and regulate my nervous system in some way. These forms of pleasure are renewable energy - they continue to give long after I’m done engaging with them.
Slowing down and stepping back has given me the space to recognize when I’m swept up in the more loop. It has reminded me that there is a world that unconditionally exists; one that tells me you are enough like this; one that reminds me authentic joy stems from internal work and not external gratification.
The unwavering center of my self-worth is fed by that which is free and ever-giving; that which is generous with its time and love; that which wants what’s best for me; that which doesn’t trap me in an insatiable cycle; that which liberates me deeper into my own self.
Here are some free forms of self-care I’ve been engaging in lately that bring me back to a soothing, softening-in kind of pleasure:
Waiting an hour or more to check my phone upon waking
Stepping outside as soon as possible and taking in my surroundings with curiosity and presence; letting my eyes wander and look out in all directions
Taking full breaths into my belly and pelvic floor to release tension
Slowly following the shape, color, and contours of a flower, as if I’m redrawing it with my eyes
Dancing, shaking, jumping, moving the energy around in my body
Putting a hot water bottle on my belly at night to soothe me into sleep
What practices offer you a sustainable kind of care? What practices do you currently engage in (or want to engage in) that can free you from the more loop?
Thanks for reading and being here,
Sarah