I’ve felt a lot of movement in my life lately, particularly within my internal landscape. My sensuality has felt uprooted, ruffled by new energy and big feelings. It’s reminding me what a sucker I am for possibility and how important it is to ground as I sift through a stream of emotions.
I read this article about crushes the other day and it made me think of how waves of emotion tend to shake things up in a way a crush can. They describe crushes as glimmers of hope that can make you feel more alive and act as a “soul boost.” I like to think of big emotions and energy as glimmers of potential, a window into the spaciousness of my own longing.
These moments of big feeling contain so much aliveness. One of my philosophy teachers, Bill Mahony, says “each emotion gifts us access to the heart” and I often think of this sentiment when I’m being moved by big emotions.
How do I bask in the thrill of newness while staying connected to what’s here and now? How do I let myself be carried by the energy of novelty while savoring the sweet familiar of my day to day?
Lately, riding that line has looked like: deep and intimate conversations with friends, moving my body in different ways, letting myself cry to allow and release what’s coming up for me, and digging into ideas that stimulate my mind and remind me of the bigger picture.
I’m teaching a yoga philosophy course that starts in a month (more info here!) and I’ve felt so held while preparing for it and re-reading our central text. One sutra reads:
Even the individual, whose nature is Consciousness in a contracted state, embodies the universe in contracted form.
It speaks to a theme that percolates through many schools of philosophy: even in our limited and contracted form, we embody the expansiveness of the universe. One of my teachers describes it as each individual being a single drop from the same big ocean. Tara Brach often says, “you have to remember that you are the ocean.”
This sutra brings me solace when I get caught up in my own personal stuff. It reminds me that even when the surface of the water is choppy, I can still access that steady, consistent depth underneath. Sometimes, the idea of possibility can be the very thing that grounds and settles me. The text goes on to interpret the sutra:
Not only is everything in the universe made of the same ‘stuff,’ but also that stuff contains within itself everything it ever becomes. This means that every particle of Consciousness contains the whole of creation in precisely the same way that every particle of a hologram can re-create the whole.
What this says to me is that we contain infinite potential and so, rather than trying to obtain something outside of ourselves, we can allow ourselves to access something that already exists within. There’s a refreshing receptivity to this.
This idea of working with who we already are - a kind of radical autonomy - is what first drew me to yoga philosophy and spirituality. It’s what continues to drive my work around pleasure and helping people reconnect with a more genuine and expansive kind of embodiment.
So, in the midst of big emotions, I’m holding onto the reminder that this is a nod to the breadth of possibility inside me; that holding and expressing my big heart will only strengthen the relationship I have with myself and others.
I hope you can remember how vast and potentiated you are, especially when you’re in your big feels. Thanks for reading <3
Sarah